September 18, 2009

What If ???????

I read all sorts of blogs and there are 3 that I really could not fathom going through what these parents are going through. Losing a child before they reached 2, living in an out of a hospital due to your child having a transplant on 3 different organs.

Evelyn complained of a headache on Tuesday morning and I thought that was odd because she never in her 5 years said she had a headache. Wednesday she fainted and I became concerned, why and how does a 5 year old faint???????

Took her to the doctor within 1 1/2 hours of her fainting. Blood pressure, pulse were good and the grounds of her eyes were fine. The doctor wanted me to go get blood and a EKG. Luckily I live in an area where we have a top children's hospital. I took her to the heart center which was like a blood lab, they have several stations doing EKG's. My doctor told me that they do 150 EKG's a day. We were in and out in 10 minutes and then we went to the blood lab and all hell broke loose. She did it and I was so very proud. I bribed her with a stop at the gift shop and she was not having it. Poor thing cried for 45 minutes after.

While I was sitting in the waiting room of the heart center I see pictures of kids on the wall and a baby and her mom walked in and the baby had a feeding tube up her nose taped to her face and all I can think is how lucky I feel to have two healthy babies. But why am I here? Is this something that I should be concerned about? I am the type of person that always thinks negative and never positive. I am working on that.

I got the results today and EKG and blood are fine so that is defiantly great news. It's so hard to determine what could of happen??? or what if this or what if that???? I can't live my life thinking that way because it's not going to get me anywhere.

She has been fine and I keep asking her how she feels and does she have a headache. I find myself checking on her several times before I go to bed. It's weird because with this little brush with what if has me totally re-thinking how I act as a mother. I like it.


CassJustCurious said...

Oh my. Well I'm so glad that she is okay. Those What If's always change my behavior too.

Anonymous said...

I also she is ok. Being a mom is the hardest job in the world, I know.