ROC City Mama

A few things I realized this weekend

2011-04-05T13:33:00.002-04:00

I went to NYC this past weekend to spend time with my father while my brother was away. I had to take him to the hospital because of his disease. My long tiring weekend I was up more then I slept and I realized a few things.

I am getting used to flying

My brother sleeps with a ton of pillows

I love getting a mani/pedi

I love driving in New York

I enjoyed every bit of my fried eggplant, fresh mozzarella, tomato & roasted pepper sandwich

My long lost friend Sarah always brings presents

I have the greatest friends always wanting to help me

I am thankful for my sister to go through this with

My adrenaline can keep me up for a looooooooooooong time

Emergency rooms suck

My heart breaks for old people

I hate hate hate foreigners that can not speak English.

Dealing with a sick parent is tough

Traveling with one non checked in bag is nice

I miss my family

I love coming home to my family

All in the Family

2011-02-26T21:29:00.004-05:00

There not many people that I hate or just can not stand well maybe a few. This person is my cousin Matt and for as long as I can remeber him. I HATE HIM. He made me cry numerous time when I was a chubby pre-teen and just one of those people that really think he is better then everyone else and when I see him I want to spit on him. I know that's mean but that's how I feel. I never hide my feelings when I am around him and I think he know's how I feel. Actually when I took this picture I said "Let me get a picture with my favorite cousin"

p.s. Picture is pretty good I must say. Here I liked him.

Totally Random

2011-02-22T13:47:00.004-05:00

Do you know how kids outgrown things ex. clothes, diapers, thumbsucking, bed wetting?

When do adults outgrow things???

This a totally random thought that came to me this morning when I was thinking how Jessi doesn't come to our bed anymore in the night. Did she outgrow that in as little as two weeks?

Why when your a kid outgrowing things mean your growing up what is it called when your an "adult?

Funky

2011-02-10T09:14:00.006-05:00

I have been in a funk lately and it sucks. Thanks to my good friend Lexi I have been handling my business with my head held high and my anxiety at a all time low. However yesterday I felt like I got hit by a mac truck and it is taking me a while to recover.

I need some excitement in my life.....

Could it be the lack of yoga for the past 2+ weeks? My dead end of a job with super anal people? My groundhog of a day life? Lack of passion in my marriage? A midlife crisis? Or reaching my prime?

There are a few things that I can think of that can bring me excitement but due to the lack of time and that thing called motherhood makes it impossible. Maybe one day when and if the situation presents itself I can find that excitement and the joy of the breath.

Take it all in.....

2011-01-28T14:26:00.003-05:00

I have seen this picture on a few different things this week and I wanted to share.

All about me

2010-11-05T09:54:00.003-04:00

I turned 35 on October 19th, yes 35 years old.

This is me celebrating a week later at my hubbies "work party"

You know what I did????

I drank a whole bottle of wine which I have not done in years.

It felt good even the next morning I made eggplant parm and hosted a play date.

That's what a 35 year old does.

Would you like some cheese with that wine.

2010-10-15T14:52:00.003-04:00

Jessi is in daycare from 8:00 until 4:30 and everyday I pick her up I hear what a great day Jessi had. Well why is it that the minute we get in the car it's like the liquor store.

Evelyn is in school a full day now and when I pick her up from the other babysitter it's what are we going to do? can someone come over? I'm bored. Constant whining........

I might start drinking at least we all will be wined up.

8 years and counting

2010-10-14T14:08:00.002-04:00

Febuary of 2011 will be 8 years since we moved to the big ROC. Where has the time gone?
Better yet when the HELL am I going to not go somewhere without mapquest directions in my hand.

I feel very isolated in my little town because everything I do is here. Shop, Bank, Work, Dr's. I mean why would I want to drive somewhere that would require me to keep looking at my directions or call Mike 3 times in a panic.

When am I going to feel at home?

I can't escape.......

2010-10-11T12:50:00.002-04:00

Why am I still having panic attacks when I am on medicine?

The doctor prescribed me 20 mg and I worked my way up and when I got to the 20 mg I felt it was too much for me so I decided on the 10 mg. Maybe the doctor was right in prescribing me the 20mg.

Last week I had a migraine headache for 4 days never in my life have I ever had a migraine.
A side effect of Lexapro is night grinding / clenching which causes jaw pain which can lead to migraines. This isn't the first time this has happened and if I continue on I am sure it will not be the last.

Should I change meds or should I up the anti and take the 20mg which maybe will eliminate the one off panic attack and the night clenching which is caused by stress.

Driving with your 2 year old in the car having a panic attack is not fun. I wanted to go to the hospital. :(.

One thing.......

2010-10-08T10:13:00.003-04:00

One thing that I have never done that now as I am approaching 35 years old is live by myself.

I will admit I can't even stay in my house now overnight by myself because I am scared even though I have put on my big girl panties a few times and done it.

I don't know who I am kidding because when I was in my 20's I probably wouldn't have done it either. Right now in my life amidst all the fucking craziness living by myself sounds wonderful.

I went from mom's house to dad's house to moving in with Mike. I cried on the day I moved out of my dad's house. This was a HUGE DEAL. I wasn't paying my dad $50.00 a month for "rent" anymore. I guess sometimes you have to grow up and move out of your comfort zone.

Many jobs

2010-09-05T21:27:00.003-04:00

Speaking with a friend the other day she told me that my husband is "deprived" of sex and that sex is part of my job as a wife.

How does the sex job rate in your marriage?

Just curious..........

Holy Spirit

2010-08-31T22:06:00.004-04:00

When your children become older you have to involve them in extra circular activities which is good because it teaches them things they can only learn by being part of a team and bad well because it is a pain in the ass and it cost money.

Evelyn has been in dancing going on her 4th year, we have done swimming, softball and karate.
While some of them are beneficial to her such as swimming and karate the others not so much hey maybe one day will see her in Radio City Music Hall as a rockette or so you think you can dance or maybe even on the Olympic team for girls softball.

This one particular activity that I signed her up for well I have mixed emotions about.
I am talking religion classes or as the church puts it "Faith Formation classes".
I am no way a practicing catholic nor am I a church goer. I have baptized both my girls in the Catholic church and joined the parish. Big mistake. The church sends me an envelope every month for 4 weeks of donations or "offerings" to put in the baskets at Sunday mass. You know what I do with those envelopes??????. I received a letter a few months ago from the church that was a statement billing me for construction for the new entrance way, landscaping and other crazy things. I had to pay them $30 and Mike who does not have a religious bone in his body said you are not paying them.

I believe church has changed so much and as all things are about the money. When I was young my mother would take me to church and I would fall asleep then when me and my friends were old enough to go to church by ourselves we would go to church pick up the weekly flyer and then take the money that our parents gave us for the basket and go and eat pizza. Before I got married I went to church on my own for a little but then I heard things and was just totally turned off and the fact that it cost like $500 to get married in the church and the priest that married us had the balls to ask the best man for a donation. All about the $$$$$$$

I have taken Evelyn to church quite a few times and my mom and her have gone on their own and Evelyn seems to enjoy it. Well that all stopped and when we drive by the church Evelyn says to me "we have not been to church in awhile" mom guilt at it's best. If I want her to make communion next year then she has to take these classes so we opted for the family program which is one Tuesday a month. We will and her go to the church for 1 hr and take a class watch a video, or do an activity but we will have a book to take home that we have to do weekly assignments. Really???? I can tell you know if we have to do more work for this class then school I am raising Holy Hell.........

My mother and I were talking about this whole religion class and I told her you are going to be happy that I signed Evelyn up for religion class and she was and then she went on to say " I used to take you to church every fucking Sunday" Gotta love them Catholics.

The only thing that I am looking forward to is spending alone time with her and letting her make her own decision about religion and church.

AMEN

Weekend work

2010-08-28T22:42:00.003-04:00

Mike went away this weekend to NYC for his fantasy football get together with the boys and I decided to mow the lawn to suprise him.

We don't have a rider which we really need to get one and next year it is on our plan. Right now it's the good ole Honda that gets the job done. When Mike mows it takes him about 2 -2 1/2 hrs it took me two days. Hey I got the job done.

It is a lot of work being a single mom because basically that is what I was this weekend. You know what I can manage if something ever happen to Mike.

Our day went like this:

- Jessi got up at 3 am crying because of a belly ache (one to many blueberries) was up with her till 5 am. Went back to sleep and got up at 8:30

- Breakfast and then sprinkle park

- Lunch and then nap

- Walk/Bike ride

- Dinner

- Out for ice cream

- Baths

- BED.....

I wonder why it took me two days to mow?

Picture Perfect

2010-08-27T14:19:00.001-04:00

How did I get so lucky????

Commitment

2010-08-03T12:53:00.003-04:00

I am still alive and enjoying every day anxiety free and it feels good really good.

I have not committed myself to ROC CITY MAMA because well I am committed to more important thing such as:

Having a garage sale
Yoga
Working
Reading my blogs
shopping
looking for daycare for Evelyn next year
trying to figure out when our next camping trip will be
going to NYC for a long weekend (solo)
cleaning
swimming
drinking coffee
paying bills
fixing the van
applying band aids on boo boo's
putting ear drops in Evelyn's swimmers ear
scrubbing dirty feet in the bath tub
buying school supplies
laundry

You get the idea...... I have been contemplating this blog's future for a while and not because I don't enjoy it because I do. A successful blog is a commitment am I the committed type? I need blogging for dummies.

Summertime Loves

2010-07-19T14:12:00.002-04:00

I LOVE SUMMER i mean who doesn't. Summertime Loves for me are:

skirts, tanks, dresses, flip flops
trying to be tan
saying screw the wash or cleaning of the house when its a beautiful Saturday and rather enjoy the outdoors
swimming in our pool until whenever we want
using the swiming pool instead of baths for the kids, chlorine does kill germs
BBQ
being outside in our yard morning until night
sidewalk chalk filled driveways
the sound and feel of the air conditioner
windows rolled down when driving
pedicured toes
having company over no matter who it is or when it is
Dirty floors from kids tracking through the house and not giving a care in the world
ice pops
Evelyn's birthday
A weekend away to NYC minus responsibility
All the windows open to feel the warm summer air
Favorite summer song of all time DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince "Summertime"
Easy ready time in the morning.

What do you love about the summer?

One Word

2010-06-30T21:10:00.006-04:00

Today at yoga we were doing tree pose and I usually just put my foot on the bottom part of my ankle because my balance is a little off well today I totally kicked ass and everything I did felt good so I kicked it up it up a notch and did the pose correctly where you put your foot on your opposite thigh and today I did it by one simple word. FOCUS.

The teacher was standing in front of me and she said to FOCUS on something that is not moving and I did. I mentioned I kicked ass right. As soon as I take my eyes off whatever I am focusing on I lose my pose. After 20 practices something clicked for me today.

This got me thinking about things in my life and everything that I FOCUS on moves. I am not sure if you can understand what I am getting at but I am sure a few of my readers all 3 of you can relate.

How can I FOCUS on the important things to me when life constantly is one moving object?

How am I ??

2010-06-23T21:35:00.003-04:00

In case your wondering how I am doing........

I am shocked how well I have been feeling. I might of have 3 days of being tired and spacey but overall I feel great. Today I had a little bit of anxiety where I felt I could not catch my breath but it never turned into a full blown panic attack so I guess that is a good thing.

I definately notice a different in my attitude towards things especially the way I handle things with my children. I know sad that I have to take meds to have patience with my kids. That's not the case at all but they do help.

We will be taking our annual week long trip in a week and I am trying to tell myself to pack early so I am not stressed about it and put too much thinking into it. Oh yeah and we are having a yard sale this weekend. Thank goodness for my friend Jen who is miss organization and I love that she is like that. I can always count on her to help my disorganization.

Day One

2010-06-17T18:55:00.005-04:00

I feel and look like I am stoned and all I want to do is lay down but when your husband is golfing and you have two kids to feed going to bed at 7:00 is out of the question but 8:00 is.

I have been on 10 mg Lexapro before I got pregnant with Jessi, this time around he put me on 20 mg and the way I am feeling right now I am thinking I should be on 10mg. I am actually splitting the pills in half and taking 10 mg in the am and 10 mg in the pm so I am still getting the 20mg but gradually and maybe by Sunday I will just take one pill.

I had no focus this morning, no motivation to get up out of bed and I didn't even put make up on and wore jeans to work because you know what I did not give a FUCK what I looked like or what time I got in to work. I was also so nauseated this morning I thought for sure I was going to throw up. I actually did gag in the toilet three times.

Tomorrow I am volunteering at Evelyn's school from 1-3 for an outdoor event in 80 + degree day feeling like shiat...... GOD HELP ME.......

Today is the Day

2010-06-16T21:53:00.012-04:00

I have had a rough 3 days emotionally....

The past few months I have been suffering from anxiety / panic attacks (same thing I think) that are crippiling. I have been to the doctor and the usual was prescribed xanax, klonopin and when I have the attacks at work because 90% of the time that's when the happen I wouldn't take it because they knock me out and I would need to take a nap.

My doctor said how's the xanax working and I am like ok except I won't take it at work and he said then it's not working for you if you don't take it when you need it. I agree. I was then given an antidepressant and got it filled and it's been sitting on my counter for 2 months. Why don't I take it??? I have been suffering with some form of anxiety / depression / hormonal craziness since well into my 20's. I have been on them before and while they work wonders and to a person like me feeling normal is worth a million dollars. However I hate the transition period of sleepiness, dazed and confused and just being out of it. Once that passes its smooth sailing.

I went to see my cute GYN today and when he came in the room and asked me how are you I was all tears. He said this is all hormonal and if I don't take something this can consume and ruin my life. No kidding. Today is the day we (Mike and I ) decided to take this anxiety / panic/ hormonal craziness and kick it out of our lives.

I need this for my family and most of all myself.

I am in Mourning

2010-05-25T22:15:00.003-04:00

Watching T.V shows week after week, year after year you become attached to these characters.

Right now I am in mourning of Jack Bauer. After ten years of kicking ass, surviving beatings and tourture this guy has grown on me. Kinda of made me feel safe in a weird sort of way. Is there really a Jack Bauer out there creeping underground catching these SOB's that want to hurt us.? I hear there is talks of a movie. I hope so kinda of like Sex in the City.

When Beverly Hills 90210 was on and they graduated the same year I did I actually cried and my boyfriend at the time was making fun of me and I said to him "you don't know these people like I do" Come on that shit is funny.

My shows are on hiatus right now and a whole new group of "great" TV will consume my nightly hour of so I have to unwind.

What TV shows do you mourn?

Happy 2nd Birthday Jessi Girl

2010-05-21T15:22:00.004-04:00

Today is your 2nd birthday and I can not imagine my life without you.

You are smart, beautiful, helpful, funny, shy yet social, cooperative, loving and most important you are part of this family that love love loves you so much.

All you want for your birthday is a Elmo cake and I tried to grant your one wish but Wegmans didn't have Elmo by himself they had one with big bird pulling Elmo and I think you will like it. If I had more time on my hands I would of baked you a cake and searched high and low for the perfect Elmo cake decorations. Sorry sweetie.

While your sister had a huge production of a 1st birthday with ponies, tons of people and a bounce castle in our yard you had a bbq with a few of our closest family and friends. Same goes for your 2nd sissy had it at Chuck e Cheese and I wanted to just serve cake and ice cream but your pipa stuck up for you and said Evelyn always gets everything. That's not true and I want you to know that because let's be honest when your 30 will you remember your early birthdays?

When you and Evelyn came into our bed this morning and you wanted to scoot in between us your sister said "I get to lay next to the birthday girl, Sweet" she loves having a little sister and dressing you in dancing costumes and chasing you around the house however she doesn't like when you bite her.

Daddy and I contemplated on having a second baby for awhile and we are are so blessed to have you. If we could have 3 more like you we would, well I would your daddy not so much.

WE LOVE YOU JESSI GIRL

P.S You think you share a birthday with Elmo. I don't have the heart to tell you the truth.

Feel Good Weekend

2010-05-16T22:02:00.004-04:00

Feel good weekend consists of:

Friday night pizza from my favorite place
Date night watching Friday Night Lights with my friend Jen
Feeling Evelyn's excitement for her first T-ball game
All 4 of us napping together in one bed
Having movie night
Waking up Sunday to sunshine
Having dinner ready at 10:30 a.m
Taking Evelyn shopping
Putting make up on Evelyn for her dancing school pictures and telling her how beautiful she looks
Opening up the pop up for the first time to air it out for our first camping trip over memorial day
Buying the most comfortable pair of flip flops for $6.00
Showering by 6:30 so I can enjoy my night early
Having a normal week
Watching the Survivor Finale

This weekend was full of love, life and most important family time that I never take for granted.

I love you.

WHY?

2010-05-14T23:27:00.005-04:00

1. Why is it when people have to take a shit at work everyone goes into one particular stall? Do they think it will smell less?

2. I went to the GYN this week and when he took off his gloves from checking me, do you think the garbage filled with women's juices stink?

3. I did cut my hair shorter and when people say "It looks so cute" are they really telling me the truth? People I am 34 years old I am not cute, SEXY and BEAUTIFUL is more like it.

4. Why does this one particular women at work wear the most hideous clothes? It's 2010 you can get rid of your long ugly hair and your puke green pants with your faded black sweater and a t-shirt that is 10 sizes too big.

5. Why do people have their facebook profile as private? They should not be on facebook if you want your shit private.

6. Why did Casey make the top three in American Idol? It's rigged and FOX figures that all the cougars will keep watching.

7. Why is Russell still on Survivor? Do these people not see he is running things? I am team Russell so I say go all the way and you other 4 are blind asses.

8. Why doesn't my 75 year old father move by me instead of living by himself? Because he says he will be bored. REALLY?????

9. Why is Evelyn's t-ball on Saturday morning at 9am? This is just wrong.

10. Why does the church keep sending me letters saying I need to send them money because of tough economic times. WHAT???? This is why I don't go to church.

I love how fellow bloggers are dedicated to their blogs, Why can't I be like that?

Wussing out

2010-05-06T21:57:00.003-04:00

I have been pondering for a while about cutting my hair short and I don't mean up to my shoulders blunt style I mean short like between borderline dike and something sexy and sassy.

I have had my hair cut short before and I have had it long too and I do prefer it short but I like it long. What to do???????

My sweet Evelyn just got her hair cut short short and it looks adorable. Random people compliment her on her hair but she is 5 and she can get away with it.

I have a hair appointment on Saturday and I always bring it to the table since I have been going to the same hair stylist for 4 years and I am always saying " I want to cut my hair short" but I am always wussing out.

To be 5 and not have a care in the world about what you hair looks like. It's hair it grows back that is what I am trying to tell myself.

Stay tuned....................

Date Night

2010-05-05T15:33:00.004-04:00

The girls go by the in-laws on Tuesday night and I had plans on getting an oil change so I dropped them off and went home did a few things and then as I was pulling out Mike was pulling in and I said "Do you want to come with me" he said "sure" so I was happy.

We pulled into Delta Sonic and went in to the waiting area and as we were walking we had our arms around each other and I was just smiling and he gave me a kiss on my head and said we are having a date. We got a cup of coffee and sat and waited. It was nice.

I also wanted to stop at Walmart to pick up some things for Evelyn well $196.00 later we all got something. I love rocking the $4.00 long cami's but of course I don't buy one I buy 5. Hey when you like something and the price is $4.00 why stop at one. I wonder why at checkout I think oh maybe I spent $100.00 and its always double. Mike says just because things are cheap doesn't mean you buy 5. Hey what does he know?????????

Most Important we spent time together without the kids and that is good sometimes.

Changes

2010-05-04T11:59:00.004-04:00

I have noticed 2 things in the past 2 months and I have done nothing about it to change.
I don't like change.

I have been going to bed late (11:30-12:00) to some that might not seem like a big deal but for this pretty face it's way past my bedtime.
I need to get up about 15 minutes earlier during the week. I am up since my alarm goes off at 6:20 and I don't physically get out of the bed until 7:05-7:10.

Nightime

Now that the nice weather is here and we are outside from the minute we get home until bath time I don't have that in between time to do certain things because I want to be outside too and that limits time for inside stuff or better yet have time to myself. When the kids go to bed between 8-8:30 I finish up loose ends and by the time I am done its 9:30 and then you know catch up on trash television The Hills, Sober House, Chelsea Lately just to name a few its pushing 11:30. Oh yeah plus I have to squeeze in a shower somewhere because I can't get up early enough to add that in my morning routine plus Mike and I value time to have together sitting on the couch cuddling and him telling me "Honey you should really go to bed" me " I don't want to go to bed".

Morning Time

I am in now way shape or form a morning person. I like to sleep, Mike likes to sleep and my kids like to sleep. Of course the kids get up first on the weekend but during the week 4 out of the 5 days I am going into their room waking them up so we can not even rely on them to get us up early. I think God knew to give up sleepers because they both have been like that from birth.

I lay out clothes for everybody at night so the morning we get up and go but it sounds alot easier then it really is. They need time to wake up just like everybody else and if their tired well it's not pretty. Luckily I live less then 10 minutes from work and can leave the house at 7:40 and be to work at 8:00 which again I am lucky that my job is not a stickler for being on time because my arrival time let's just say is never 8 am because I do have to stop at the drug dealer to get my morning fix.

What am I going to do next year when Evelyn starts 1st grade and its a full day and our morning routine is going to change. SHIT I hate change. I am going to have to get up and feed her breakfast and then she will go by my neighbors house and wait for the bus. OH MAN I better start getting up early to get my body used to getting up. It puts too much stress on everyone in the morning and Stress is not good. I look forward to coming to work and sitting at my desk with my coffee and then after that I am ready to go home.

Are you a morning or night person?

I'm still around

2010-04-30T20:44:00.003-04:00

I have just been really really busy doing..........

Mike had surgery - recoup time one week
Bathroom renovation - one month
Mike away for work
Mike away for golf trip
Transitioning Jessi to a big girl bed
Emergency gallbladder surgery - recoup time one week
Trip to the ER one week exactly after surgery

It might not seem like I have been busy trust me I have been. The bathroom renovation was a real pain in the ass. Not having a shower for one month is a big inconvenience with 4 people living in this house. Trips to the in laws every other night was getting old real fast. Shout out to my honey bunny and Jerry for working hard every night and weekend. Work has been crazy and I usually have some extra time to blog but that hasn't happen. I want to post pictures but I have to download them and at night the last thing I want to do is get on the friggin computer.

We have not had a normal week in about two months and I am not kidding. Here is to a normal, healthy rest of the year........

Missed blogging and laying it out on the line. I have a lot of posts in minds just like I have a lot of ideas for my every day life...........TO BE CONTINUED.............

Paging Gina Spizzeri

2010-03-04T14:41:00.004-05:00

I sit here at the Sawgrass surgery center waiting for Mike to come out of surgery. He has been a headache suffer for as long as I known him. Over the last year he has been also suffering with sinus infections, sinus pressure so he bit the bullet and went to the ENT doctor and they told him that he is a candidate for a septoplasty. I mean his right nostril is over 90% blocked I would say he is more then a candidate.

Mike has never had surgery and never been put under with anesthesia. Double YIKES.
I was more nervous then him (no suprise there) because the recovery is going to be no walk in the park. He doesn't think its going to be that bad. Will see when he wakes up and feels the pain. The doctor said you think you have a headache now wait until you wake up. Really DOC thanks.

He could not eat after midnight but hey I can so I packed myself a nice little lunch to take with me to eat and he brought his laptop home for me so I would have something to do for the next 2 hours plus his recovery time of 1 1/2 to 2 hrs. Two kids fighting colds plus a husband with a busted nose = 1 house I don't want to be at this weekend. I will be playing nurse with benefits as so Mike thinks.

Mike does a lot of stuff around the house and with him out of commission it all falls on me. Mike said to me I am worried because I will have to do everything, excuse me who goes away for business and does everything? ROC CITY Mama that's who. He did point out to me that there is a lot of laundry to be done. HELLO I don't do laundry that's your job. SHIT I guess I have to step up this weekend and do my wife/mom duties to my fullest.

When I was pregnant and had my herniated disk with the worst pain I ever felt in my life he was my rock I mean what man do you know would shave their wife's legs, help me get dressed, put my to bed every night and sit on the toilet? Could I do that for him???? Sometimes I doubt my willing to not be so selfish......... It's time for me to repay him for all he does for this family.

P.S Why are there two people smoking right outside my window when it cleary says this is a no smoking facility?????

The Simple Life

2010-02-24T15:39:00.005-05:00

I try to make my life simple in every way possible from making dinners ahead of time to having our clothes ready at night and our daily baggage by the door so we don't forget anything and we can get up get dressed and get out.

Why then do I struggle with so many simple things?

Blogging - I don't always have to post and have this long drawn out post, it could be 5 only lines why should I let this get to me? Still have not figured out my camera and the whole downloading fuck up.
Relationship's -Dad, Mom,Brother, Friends.... some of the simplest relationship's can be the hardest
Health - I am trying on this on -. Baby steps, Baby steps
Making decisions, simple decisions - Everyday things like do I go to the store at lunch or go home to go take a #2 because I can't at work. I know crazy.

Simple - I'm done.

Feeling Good

2010-02-14T20:05:00.003-05:00

I started taking Vinyasa Yoga and I am loving it. This Yoga is free flowing with heat. The room is about 90 degrees with the heat blasting. I am not one to sweat but man does it feel good. It feels good on your skin, muscles and just puts you in this euphoric place for 1 hr and 15 minutes.

I am comparing Yoga to church

Yoga classes are on schedules just like church
You have to pay for Yoga classes just like church you need to pay with your donation
Downward facing dog is the main pose of Yoga just like saying amen in church
In Yoga you are with these people you don't know concentrating on their breath sweating like they have just been dipped in holy water being baptized as if we were in church or offering the sign of peace. Too intimate.
Yoga class feels good just like going to church
At then end of Yoga class you have the cool down or "the end of the practice". I experience the cleansing, emotional, inspirational, relax feeling like I do when I go to church.

Now if I went to church with Yoga who knows how I would feel? I notice a change in myself with this Yoga experience in my mind and body. I am doing this for myself and my well being and for that I am so happy.

Marvelous Monday

2010-02-10T13:49:00.003-05:00

I love when Monday starts off great, it sets a precedent for the rest of the week.

Work was a normal day steady throughout the day.

Homemade chicken soup was made on Sunday for dinner so all I had to do was heat on the stove and boil some macaroni.

Sitting down as a family for dinner as we usually do enjoying our soup and Evelyn saying how she loves the soup.

Showered by 7 and kids in bed by 7:50 and then sitting with my hubby on the couch watching our favorite Monday night shows.

In bed by 9:20 with my hubby to watch 24. Hubby never comes to bed with me especially at 9:20. Sleeping by 10.

What can be more Marvelous?

Feel Good February

2010-02-02T13:39:00.004-05:00

This month is going to be good. I just feel it.

I have been feeling great now that the lady friend has passed. Mike and I went out Saturday night to his work party and while I was the DD I still had a great time oh yeah and looked smoking hot as usual.

I have been doing YOGA and I have never felt better. I love how my mind and body both feel and Mike is reaping the benefits from it. He even notices a difference and said to keep doing the YOGA. Hint Hint.

We got Evelyn's very first report card and I know its only kindergarten but it makes me feel good when the teacher has nothing but good things to say about your child and how well she participates and gets along with everyone.

I have a 1 hr massage on Saturday there are no words to describe a 1 hr massage.

Evelyn's first father/daughter dance this Friday. Mike and her are both excited. Can't wait to see her in her pretty purple dress.

I know a lot of people who are having birthday's this month including my mother. I feel good when I send people cards and Hallmark loves it to. I am a valued member of their store. Even with a $7.00 coupon I still spent $38.00.

It feels good to see summer clothes in the store. I LOVE summer clothes. I feel good knowing that summer is not to far off.

Valentines Day is approaching and I am going to bask in the day with all my love bugs in the house.

Bought tickets to see Daugherty on June 19th. ALways fun to go to a Saturday night concert. Consider it Date Night.

What do you feel good about this month?

P.S having a problem with downloading the pics to the computer. I feel I need to share some pics. It's been a while.

Babies on the BRAIN

2010-01-28T11:11:00.005-05:00

It seems that everyone around me either had a baby in the past week or is due any day and it has put baby thoughts in my brain big time.

I posted a comment on facebook the other day as disappointed and of course I get the the normal reaction from everyone why?????? I was not honest about the real reason why.

This is totally going to sound ridiculous and I am even embarrassed for saying it but it seems like every month when I get my lady friend I am disappointed. We are not trying in any way shape or form, we use protection every time so why would I even think the possibility of me being pregnant. I know crazy.

Mike is against having another baby and his reasons are legit but I don't care well I have to care because I kinda of need him to be along with the whole getting pregnant.

I had great pregnancies both times. With Evelyn I cried every day like someone was murdered and with Jessi it was going great until I had the whole herniated disk issue which made my last 4 1/2 months miserable because I was in so much pain.

We have had very good babies from the start great sleepers I mean honestly we have never had a night where we were up all night or every hour. The few times they did get up we get all pissy and Mike is like people do this every night. We like our sleep so this is a major concern of ours well mine since Mike is not even thinking of a 3rd baby.

I totally hated being pregnant but loved the whole labor and delivery and I think if I had a chance to do it again I might try it without drugs or even a water birth. After being home from work last Friday with my sweet Evelyn because of her stomach watching 3 episodes of TLC Baby Story doesn't help me.

Once Jessi was born I felt so complete and so in love and knew that she belonged in our family. The love we have for the girls is undescribeable and the love the girls have for each other can only be said as amazing and perfect. Only sisters can have a certain bond that is unbreakable.

It is a very hard decision to make I mean its not something you can say Oh wait I change my mind. Only time will tell.

Right now we are content with our family and feel very fortunate to have been blessed with healthy and happy children.

Saturday Special

2010-01-23T22:06:00.004-05:00

It is 10:08 and me and the hubby are sitting on the couch watching the Jersey Shore reunion when we should be having a party that we had plan to throw at the house in honor of Mike's 32nd birthday, however our sweet Evelyn had other plans and caught the 24 hour stomach bug yesterday. I never saw her so sick. In her 5 + years I can count on one hand how many times she threw up. Yesterday she might of broken her record.

Luckily Evelyn woke up feeling like a million bucks which was a great way to start off the day. I wanted to go to the mall to get something and was going to let Mike sleep in but he decided to join us which was great and we had the most wonderful day.

At the mall we hit the apple store to check out the MAC. The problem with Mike and I is he always has the positives to say about purchases and me being the money person at the house can not justify spending that kind of money. It's a good thing we didn't make that purchase because Mike took the car to Monroe since my breaks were grinding. Today could of been an expensive day.

Taco salad for dinner, chocolate chips cookies for dessert, a session of mario kart on the wii, putting the girls to bed in the same room since Evelyn asked to sleep in Jessi's room and a million laughs in between.

I think today definitely made up for not having a much anticipated "adult" party. You can always reschedule a party but a day with the family is priceless.

P.S I am using the laptap again from Mike's job. He suprised me and brought it home for me. Gotta love him

I Miss

2010-01-21T15:46:00.002-05:00

I miss my best friend
I miss my family in NYC
I miss the feel of summer
I miss my bar days
I miss the feeling of a first kiss with that someone special
I miss my non responsibility days
I miss the hustle and the bustle
I miss my first apartment
I miss the way I felt on my wedding day
I miss the feeling of giving birth
I miss the feeling of seeing someone for the first time when you have been missing them
I miss Friday Night Lights (Tim Riggins especially)
I miss when driving in the car to hang out was cool
I miss the feeling of not having a car payment
I miss my babies faces when I am at work
I miss that feeling of being on stage when I used to be in dancing
I miss my Honda Civic ( my first new car)
I miss the giddy girl feeling of being in high school and in love with that certain someone.

What do you miss?

Saturday Night Scene

2010-01-16T23:51:00.002-05:00

It's Saturday night @ 11.52 p.m and have had a very long day but right now I am sitting in bed with my hubby next to me and codie under the blankets and Psychic Kids children of the paranormal on the t.v. What a way to end a day.

I am in my glory right now because I am blogging on a laptop in bed which I have been wanting to do for so long. I am easy to please. I don't have a laptop and really want one because after a long day I would love to sit in bed and blog about my thoughts and opinions of the day. I am using Mike's laptop from work. He is traveling for work on Monday through Thursday and needed the laptop. I am not sure if blogging on his work computer is the right thing to do but who cares.

Getting laptop friendly on the computer takes a while. The whole mouse thing and typing is a little tricky for me. Unfortunately I won't become friends with the laptop because it doesn't belong to us. I mean we should probably get one because well I want one.

Since I am in my glory right now I will tell you about my day.

Got out of bed at 8:15 that doesn't mean I was up at 8:15, If I remember correctly I think I was woken up at 7:00 or so and I really wanted to sleep today but the kiddies had other plans. Usually on the weekend they tend to sleep in. Sunday's are usually their sleep in day. Here's hoping.

After cleaning up a half of box of cereal due to my messy Jessi I got ready to start my list of errands. Evelyn and I ventured out and of course my sweet Evelyn had to put her party dress on to go to the store even though the party that we were going to wasn't until 4 she wanted to be ready at 11:30.

I returned something at Dress Barn that I got for Christmas and got a $51.99 credit which I am happy about. Don't' know if I will ever use it maybe will wait for the summer and buy me a nice summer dress. We went next store to Old Navy and the have a kick ass clearance section. I purchased a few things for my self for $1.49 and I am talking a shirt and some tank tops. I love when I get a sale. I want to know why these stores have out summer stuff ???? Bathing suits already. Evelyn of course is getting impatient so I took her home gave her some motrin and told her to have some quiet time because she has been under the weather and if she didn't lay down there was no party.

My mom came to visit this weekend so she was taking care of Jessi while Mike did his weekend job called the laundry. Came in the house and was home for 10 minutes and was out the door. I purchased myself a Dunkin Donuts coffee and hit up the Hallmark store. I could spend hours in the Hallmark store. They have these little books with such touching subjects and I was skimming through a few as tears are coming down my face. I loved the one about sisters. I am so glad that my girls have a sister. I buy cards when I read them and they touch me and save them for a rainy day or just keep them. I am a high valued customer at Hallmark.

I went to the craft store because I have this project in mind that I want to do for Mike's birthday on Friday. I was looking in the store trying to find the main thing for the project and I didn't see it and now I am getting hot and bothered. I finally asked someone and she said no they didn't have it so I had something else that I was going to substitute with but I wasn't happy so I said FUCK it dropped my basket and left.

Went to NY & CO since I had a coupon for 25% off because you know that is how they sucker you in. I saw this really nice jumpsuit and I was thinking to my self man you have to be really skinny since this thing will probably show every dimple and cranny hey I know I can buy a spank type thing at Dress Barn and then try it on. That's an idea......

Got home at 3:15 got ready and then back out the door at 4 to go to the party. Returned home at 7:30 and felt guilty since I really didn't spend time with Jessi today. After I did my motherly duties with Jessi I then went grocery shopping at 10 p.m. This is my new favorite time to shop there is no one in the store. Just me and the floor buffer. I like to have my Sunday's free to do stuff around the house and prepare meals for the week so when I come home all I have to do is stick it in the oven.

Well after 35 minutes on this lame ass post Mike is sleeping with his glasses still on and remote in hand. That's typical Mike. I might be a pro on this laptop thing after all.

Good Night.

I am not even reading this before I send it out because:

1. Nobody reads it
2. I am tired and I just don't want to

When your 15

2010-01-11T16:03:00.003-05:00

I will be the first to admit I am not a fan of country music but this Taylor Swift song really hit a soft spot with me. I mean can you really consider her country??? The 2nd time I heard it I was crying like a fool and the 10th and 11th time.

The emotions of when I was 15 year old in 9th going to 10th grade just came caving in on me and first heartbreaks, losing my virginity, loving a boy in high school thinking we belong together even in my 30's, moving from NYC to east bum fuck Prattsburgh was tough.

I think the reason this song triggers emotions in me is the feeling of being 15 again. Going to school, cheer leading, smoking weed, drinking when your not supposed to, getting all dressed up to go to the dance at school. I mean I still do those things but with a lot more responsibility. A full time job, 2 kids, a mortgage you know 35 year old stuff.

I look back and the road from 15-35 was an enjoyable yet scary at times but I am here and here's to another 15 years.

P.S I am not 35 yet it just sounds better in this post then 34.

Happy New Year

2010-01-06T09:48:00.002-05:00

It's January 6th and I am finally getting to post a New Year's post....

We all went to NYC to visit the family and while it is always nice to see family and friends it's always nice to come home. Part of me is torn when I leave and I am always sad and usually cry because I am leaving my "home". NYC is where I grew up, lived my bar/party days, had a first serious boyfriend, got married, had a baby. I always think is this the last time that I will see my dad? :(

I never made it to 12 and I don't know how to feel about that. What used to be my favorite holiday getting dressed up and doing the town has now transformed to being in bed with my 5 year old at 9:30 and that's ok. I think. We did wake up right after the New Year since the phone rang and then we heard fireworks so we went downstairs and wished my dad and hubby a Happy New Year and headed back to bed.

Talking with Evelyn before we fell asleep I explained to her about New Year's resolution's and what they mean and I told her that mine is to be a better parent and not yell and she said that hers was to be a better kid and listen. That shit just melts your heart.

In the New Year I want to be the best parent that I can be and not lose my cool, be pain free in my back, not stress over money and the little stuff and live life to the fullest and enjoy every minute with my family.

Happy 1 year ROC City Mama

2009-12-20T14:54:00.002-05:00

My first blog post was Dec 18, 2008 while I said I wanted 100 posts to mark my one year anniversary I was short by one. OH well. This is my 100th post and it feels good. After months of debating last year if I should do a blog I finally bit the bullet and did it.

I was hooked on reading other peoples blogs and while mine is not that fancy compared to theirs I am proud that I decided on this. My terrific husband encouraged me to do it and I can always count on him for support.

Right now as I am writing this its Sunday at 3 pm and Mike and the girls are napping and I am sitting here in peace and quiet with a nice cup of coffee and the only background noise is the dishwasher running and I love it. I want to have this time daily which is a far fetched reality with a full time job, two kids and a house to take care of for blogging. I want to sit and reflect on things and write about them. I always feel rushed with everything and I don't like that feeling.

A new year is approaching and this is my favorite holiday to remember the year I just lived and to look forward to the next and how I can do things better for myself.

Boobs 101

2009-12-16T20:18:00.003-05:00

You know what drives me crazy?????

Women who do not wear the correct bra. I must confess I used to be one of these ladies.

Women who do not wear the correct bras drive me crazy. How do you not know that your boobs are sagging down to your knees or your eyes are black from them bouncing as you walk.

Have you not seen the Oprah episode years ago????

Come on ladies get with it. Support the troops.

Working Mom Guilt

2009-12-05T13:53:00.007-05:00

This week for some reason I have been experiencing the working mom guilt and I don't know why.

I think I am feeling unorganized at home, work is super duper busy, holidays are coming and feeling overwhelmed with that. I am not quite sure.

In the in the 4 years that I have been working at my job I have never experienced a work load like this. I can handle it, that's not what I am complaining about. I think working all day under a micro managing, dysfunctional, poorly managed company, incompetent people in positions that should not where they are makes for a long day sometimes.

I am not one to bring work home but lately I have been and taking it out on my family and I don't like that at all. Why should I bring the bullshit home when they don't really care about me and if I died tomorrow my job would still be there even though it would be hard to replace me. My priorities are my family and making sure my kids are taken care of but when we get home at 7 o'clock and have to eat dinner, shower and get ready for bed yeah I have guilt over this because its seems like I only see them for an hour and yet I am rushing to get the to bed.

Mike tells me that I am not cut out to be a stay at home mom and really I don't think I am either but some days I want to be when the guilt takes over.

At the end of the day when I pick them up I put a smile on my face. How could you not????

Find your own idea

2009-12-02T16:15:00.006-05:00

I am a huge fan of Troy Dunn and The Locator on the WE network. I cry watching every episode. People come to Troy asking help to find a lost family member. Parents who gave up their child for adoption or the adoptee looking for the birth parent. Siblings separated for whatever reason, it just gives me a warm and fuzzy feeling inside. Mike says if you watch one you seen them all kinda of like A&E's Intervention when people shooting up drugs he's a guy and I tell him it's the story behind it that is what gets me.

When I saw my sister for the first time at the age of 21 that could of easily been my episode and it would of been the most watched.

This week ABC has a new show called Find my Family. You friggin copy cats, this pisses me off you have no idea and I will not even give them the time of day and watch. I hope the ratings flop and the show is not successful.

LACK OF TIME

2009-11-28T20:36:00.007-05:00

The title says it all..........

Writing posts when I want too. I was doing them at work but since I have been really busy I have no time. When I come home at night the last thing I want to do is get on the computer and blog but maybe to check facebook.

Noticing last week that on Dec 18th 2008 was my first blog entry and this is my 96th post so I am hoping I find the time to write 100 posts by then. That's only 4 more and I am going to make the time to do this because it would mean a lot to me.

Have Evelyn make homemade Christmas presents for the special people in her life.

Get my Lip waxed.

Make a hair appointment.

Send out Thanksgiving cards with Evelyn's school pictures. (totally missed this one, they will go out with Christmas cards note to self)

Go to the bank and pay a bill.

Give thanks to all the things in my life that I am most thankful for.

Going to the emergency room on Thanksgiving eve at midnight because, well that is when I could fit it in. Diagnosis acute gastritis.

Cooking 2-3 meals on Sunday that will last the week because when I come home from work I rather spend my time with the kids then cook.

The basket of clothes that needs to be put away in Evelyn's room and one last drawer of summer clothes that also needs to be taken care of.

Looking in the closets knowing they need to be organized and saying I will do it later because I don't have time.

I did however find time to sleep from 3:30 p.m. on Thanksgiving until 8 am the next morning and also enjoying every minute of putting our 2 trees up with Mike, Evelyn and Jessi. I became so emotional that I cried.

I do have to say that in my lack of time my anxiety level would be at an all time high but since I take an "anxiety" pill at bedtime it has really helped me out.

Maybe I can handle things....

(Shout out to my wonderful husband who helps m proof read my blogs. My grammer SUCKS)

One Day Only

2009-11-12T15:31:00.009-05:00

I am infatuated with celebs well I wouldn't say infatuated just intrigued and curious on who is banging who. I mean how can you not be when you have the gossip magazines, nightly shows and internet sites galore.

What makes these celebs so desirable??? I mean big deal they sing, act in a movie or are somehow famous because they made a sex tape and wind up making millions. Plain and simple this is your job. You don't see the paparazzi following me around because I go to work and do my job. Why is my job of less importance. I do know that you can hire people to follow you around like the paparazzi so other people will think your someone of importance. I think that would be a great birthday present for myself.

I want to be desirable just for a day and be followed by crazed fans and for that crazes photographer to get that money shot of me maybe getting out of car with no undies or smoking a cig while giving oral to Justin Timberlake. I want to have a stylist, personal trainer, personal assistant, personal anything, you name it I want it.

I guess I will just dream about it and for now enjoy my own paparazzi shots.

Sisterly Love

2009-11-06T20:10:00.007-05:00

Growing up I never had a sister and I think every girl should have one.

Come to find out that I had a sister my whole life and never met her until I was 21 years old. While I missed out on the first 21 years I cherish everyday after.

It's Official

2009-10-28T16:02:00.003-04:00

I am a registered ORGAN DONOR. YIKES

I had to renew my license and I signed the box so now when I get my new license it will have a little heart. I thought about doing this a while ago but was scared thinking I signed my death certificate.

Realizing that there are so many people out there who need transplants and die because of it makes be feel that I can leave my mark on the world even when I am six feet under. If I can help just one person that would be great. Problem is after years of smoking, drinking and drugging not sure what shape their in. Oh well not for me to worry I won't need them where I will be going.

I read blogs about kids who have had transplants and the fight they go through after transplant is crazy and what the family goes through as well. Even if you have a transplant you still are fighting for your life. Is it worth it??????

Cliff notes for future blogs

2009-10-23T09:46:00.007-04:00

There are so many thing I want to blog about but just don't have the time so I will give you a little tease and maybe I will go into it a little deeper one day.......

What type of mother am I? Now that Evelyn is in school I will come across all types of mothers wanting to set up play dates, school parties blah blah blah. Save it ok I am a working mother so keep you cookie cutting, class mothering, I have time for everything BULLSHIT (wow that was mean)
Evelyn's first official play date after school which meant I had to write a note to the school that she could ride the bus home with so and so. It was really a big deal for all involved.
Evelyn losing her first tooth on 10/20 and her first experience with the tooth fairy
Me turning 34 on 10/19 and how that makes me feel
Are people really who they seem on there blogs? I have an issue with this but I won't go there because I don't want to blow any body up or give them the credit they deserve (wow that was mean too because seceretly I want my blog to me really nice too with bells and whistles and have it mean something)
The whole flu / H1N1 hype. I think it is a conspiracy. Watch I will probably die from it.
Oh yeah me being a friggin hypochondriac. It it's not a brain tumor it's a blood clot in my leg.
The thought of spending money on Christmas presents has me a little worked up but I am not stressing on it or what to get everybody because I always buy good gifts
Behind the music episode on VH1 of 50 cent, I must say it was good. (yeah I am part gangsta)
Two of my favorite people coming to visit this weekend for a belated birthday bash even though not feeling that good.
Feeling guilty when I take off of work but still send the kids to day care (back to bullet one on what type of mother am I?)
People that are all about themselves and do not listen to one thing you say because the next day they say "when did this or that happened" I told you yesterday asshole.
Realizing I can be a mean Biatch and that is perfectly ok with me.

I must say that I feel pretty good about this post since I know I will not dedicate the time I want to for future posts on these topics so this works for now.

Where does the time go??

2009-10-13T09:43:00.006-04:00

Leaving work yesterday in my winter jacket made me think the following.....

Feels like yesterday that I was wearing a bathing suit swimming in the pool now I am wearing a winter coat, trading sun tan lotion for hat and gloves
Getting winter stuff around when I was just buying summer clothes
Closing the pool and getting the yard ready for winter when we were just playing baseball, jumping on the trampoline, swimming in the pool and eating outside.
Going to open house at school and signing up for parent/teacher conference when we just picking out her first day of school outfit and seeing her get on the bus
Planning birthday parties and now buying Christmas presents
Wearing my beautiful wedding dress and marrying my best friend 7 years ago
Deciding to move to Rochester and it will be 5 years in Feb
Deciding to have a 2nd baby and she is now 17 months old
My 34 th birthday when it feels like yesterday I was out in the clubs till 5 am

Time flies by and it's sad especially as you get older and your kids grow up so fast when it feels like yesterday they were babies swaddled in their cribs. Enjoy every second of your life (now if I can only practice what I preach)

These are a few of my favorite things....

2009-10-09T14:29:00.003-04:00

It's been a while since I wrote a list and I am having list withdrawals it might get out of hand. Please note they are in no particular order.

Dunkin Donuts coffee
Wegmans grocery store
My favorite TV shows - I have a new one GLEE. Definitely need to check it out.
Facebooking
Reading blogs of my blogging peers
Friday nights
Saturday mornings
Pay checks
Greeting cards in the mail especially from my Dad.
Sending out greeting cards
Homemade gifts
Instant Messaging my brother all day
Cuddling on the couch with the family
Jessi saying "mama mama"
Evelyn saying " I missed you today"
When Mike cooks his signature meals ex. french toast, dirty rice, chicken fajitas
Our new pop up camper
My pictures on my desk
My crazy house on the weekends
The girls excited when I say " Daddy's Home"
Saying "the girls"
Eating dinner as a family even if its mac and chesse
Looking in Evelyn's back pack every night
Saying to Evelyn " tomorrow is a home day"
Making lists
Being nosey
My Ipod
Starting my Christmas shopping
Having the money to do shopping
Our 7 year anniversary on the 11th
My 34 birthday on the 19th (shit)
My sneakers
Clearance section at all stores
Working hard at kicking my bad habits
Sunday calls with my sis
Getting my hair done
Putting things on the bottom of my shopping cart and "forgetting" they are there
Thinking about what to blog about next.................

What's gonna work? TEAM WORK

2009-10-06T20:25:00.001-04:00

There is no I in team and Mike and I are a team a great team.

It's funny because we never say that's your job or this is my job except when we are busting balls well me busting his balls because I don't have any. We just do certain things and we know that is what we do to make our team run smoothly.

When one man is down it kinda of screws up the play by play. Mike was sick and stayed in bed on Sunday until 3 pm. OUCH. That means that I went to the store with both kids and Evelyn decided to do shopping instead of the kids play area. I had to bring the bags into the house by myself and put everything away by myself. Mike usually puts the groceries away.

I cook dinner and give the kids a bath, Mike cleans up. Guess who did the cleaning up?

I might sound like a spoiled little bitch and you know what who cares? My man gets things done.

Oh yeah I did the laundry too.

Listen very carefully

2009-09-27T20:24:00.004-04:00

When I got my Ipod for mother's day I was happy and pissed at the same time. Happy because I wanted one and pissed because he spent the money.

4 months later and I just love the thing. It makes my walks way more enjoyable or sometimes when I am working and I am annoyed and can't stand to listen to people around me I just pop in the ear plugs and tune the world out.

What I love about listening to music on my Ipod is that all you hear are the lyrics to the songs and nothing else. When I listen to the radio in the car where really is the only other place I listen to music you have all this background noise so you can't really focus on the lyrics.

I have fell in love with so many songs because I really, really listen to what they are saying and the songs just put me in a different mood depending on the genre.

Next time your in a zone listening to your ipod really listen and appreciate every word to your favorite song and you will be suprised at what the words really are instead of thinking they were something else. I know I did. :)

Simple Sunday's

2009-09-21T14:56:00.003-04:00

Sunday was the most beautiful day. Warm and sunny but not quite like summer yet you can smell fall in the air. I love when Sunday's are simple and here are my reasons.

Kids enjoying playing outside not knowing that winter is around the corner and they will soon have cabin fever like the rest of us.
Grocery shopping with my babies, one in Wkids for some coloring and video games and the little one with mama sampling all the free goodies.
House cleaned
Clean sheets for everyone
Dinner made for Sunday and Monday
Catching up on "The Locator" while Jessi is sleeping, Mike mowing and Evelyn playing next door and can here everything because my windows are open
Bike riding as a family
Early dinner = Early baths = Early bedtime
The sound of Mike reading to Evelyn
Enjoying Simple days like these.

What If ???????

2009-09-18T22:49:00.004-04:00

I read all sorts of blogs and there are 3 that I really could not fathom going through what these parents are going through. Losing a child before they reached 2, living in an out of a hospital due to your child having a transplant on 3 different organs.

Evelyn complained of a headache on Tuesday morning and I thought that was odd because she never in her 5 years said she had a headache. Wednesday she fainted and I became concerned, why and how does a 5 year old faint???????

Took her to the doctor within 1 1/2 hours of her fainting. Blood pressure, pulse were good and the grounds of her eyes were fine. The doctor wanted me to go get blood and a EKG. Luckily I live in an area where we have a top children's hospital. I took her to the heart center which was like a blood lab, they have several stations doing EKG's. My doctor told me that they do 150 EKG's a day. We were in and out in 10 minutes and then we went to the blood lab and all hell broke loose. She did it and I was so very proud. I bribed her with a stop at the gift shop and she was not having it. Poor thing cried for 45 minutes after.

While I was sitting in the waiting room of the heart center I see pictures of kids on the wall and a baby and her mom walked in and the baby had a feeding tube up her nose taped to her face and all I can think is how lucky I feel to have two healthy babies. But why am I here? Is this something that I should be concerned about? I am the type of person that always thinks negative and never positive. I am working on that.

I got the results today and EKG and blood are fine so that is defiantly great news. It's so hard to determine what could of happen??? or what if this or what if that???? I can't live my life thinking that way because it's not going to get me anywhere.

She has been fine and I keep asking her how she feels and does she have a headache. I find myself checking on her several times before I go to bed. It's weird because with this little brush with what if has me totally re-thinking how I act as a mother. I like it.

Another Milestone

2009-09-13T20:52:00.005-04:00

September 10th was Evelyn's official first day of school. Even if it's only for 2 1/2 hrs a day it's a milestone in her life that will never again happen.

This is a time in her life where she will make friendships that might last her into adulthood. I still have several friends that I met in kindergarten. My first crush was a boy in kindergarten and secretly till this day I thought I was going to marry him. Not the case. One of my favorite teachers was my kindergarten teacher. She will learn so many things that will mold her for the next 13 years of school.

She was so excited to ride the bus to school I think more then actually going to school. Thursday was a perfect day sun was shining and I could not of felt more blessed to have my husband and doting father standing next to me while we are watching Evelyn & Jessi play at day care. Bridget has done so much with Evelyn to get her ready for school and we are so lucky to have her in our lives, she cares about our kids and amazes me everyday and I could not think of anyone different I would want watching our children.

We are patiently waiting for the bus to arrive, we see it pulling around the corner and I said this is it and she is jumping up and down saying "I am just so excited" and starts running for the bus. I said "get back here give me a kiss and a hug" and when I was hugging her my eyes filled up and I said " I am so proud of you".

Mike wanted to go to the school to see her get off the bus so there we are standing there waiting for her to get off the bus the only two parents there I don't know if this is weird or not. She makes her grand appearance off the bus just looks at us smiles and goes about her business. I love that about her. Miss Independent.

Of course we took pictures but when we went to download them our memory card fried so we have no pictures and that just plain SUCKS. No picture can beat the memory I will have in my head of my first born running to the bus.

What will this school year bring for Evelyn????? Stay tuned.

My heart is heavy

2009-09-04T13:43:00.002-04:00

I am feeling sad and my heart hurts for reasons I don't want to get into.

I hate this feeling because things that are chosen for you are for a reason and I accept that but I want to be the one that it is chosen for.

I am grateful for everything in my life, I truly am but it's only human to want more and right now I am feeling human.

Looking foward to a great weekend with my wonderful happy, healthy and perfect family and hopefully the weight of emotions that I am feeling will be lifted.

to self: Shake it off.

Emotional Places

2009-09-02T14:53:00.002-04:00

One of my emotional spots hands down is the airport. I have been flying since high school traveling back and forth from NYC to ROC and back. In my time spent at the airport over the years I have experienced many things whether I have been in arrivals, departures or 15,000 feet in the air.

I love the feeling of waiting for my Dad and friends to arrive when they visit and to see them pop around the bend and we hug and kiss tears well in my eyes because at that time I am just so happy to see them and knowing they made is safe. Dropping off is another emotion of sadness because I don't want them to leave and not knowing when we will see each other again makes me feel bummed.

Mike has flown a lot for work and for him its not a big deal since he doesn't have a fear of flying but knowing when we drop him off that anything can happen and for that second when I think about it I become overwhelmed. There is nothing like getting that phone call saying "Honey we landed"

I have taken a few trips to NYC by myself and the feeling that I have 2 whole days to myself is great and I am so happy to get on that plane (xanax in hand of course) and landing in the big NYC is comforting. Getting on the plane to come home is a whole different game.

Sad - I am leaving a place I love and people I love
Nervous - I want to arrive safely
Anxious - I want to see my family that I missed
Realistic - I have a family and its back to reality
Happy - When my family is waiting for me
Tired - From a weekend of fun and being on a emotional roller coaster for the past hour.

In my sister's shoes

2009-08-26T22:16:00.001-04:00

Happy 5th Birthday Sweet Evelyn - 8/25/09

2009-08-24T21:27:00.006-04:00

8/25/09
You are 5 today and I could not be more proud of the little girl that you are.
There are so many things that I want to say about you but don't want to seem like I am bragging but you know what this is my blog and I can do what I want plus I'm your mother.

You are starting school for the next 13 years in 16 days
You are going to do great in school both socially and academically
You can ride your bike without training wheels
You are a great big sister
You love everything mommy makes and even request me to make broccoli and pasta
You make friends no matter the age, sex or color
You can swim without floaties and even swim underwater
You can test mommy and daddy's nerves sometimes but that's ok
Your new favorite song of the week is "Good, Good night" by the Black Eye Peas
You love pipa, poppy, mima, poppa, & Uncle Mikey very much and always ask about them
You need to work on your patience
You are not getting a skateboard for your birthday so forget it
You don't forget a thing even if happen last year
You are learning to write and you are very good at it
Please remember not to drop the "F word" in school like you did at home
You are sensitive and get embarrassed easy
You do great at jump rope
You will probably tower over most of the kids in your class
You are super excited about school
You need to work on your singing
Your dance moves are improving

Last but not least, no you can not have everything you want at the store because everything you will need in life is right here at home.

WE LOVE YOU

When I grow up

2009-08-14T11:29:00.004-04:00

So this morning as the alarm was going off and I was in and out of consciousness I thought of my next post except all morning I was trying to remeber it and finally the lightbulb went on.

When you are little everybody says what do you want to me when you grow up and usually kids say teacher, doctor, lawyer blah blah blah well I can tell you that I am none of those.

I am currently working in a job with no room for advancement and I am ok with that sometimes. I have other priorities in my life and a job is not one of them. I have had stressful jobs before so it's kinda of like been there done that.

Now that I am older I can say that my dream job would be even if I could do it for one day is a radio personality you know that talk in the morning about anything and everything. It always sounds to me like they are having a blast and I can hang with the best of them. The only problem with me being on the radio especially if it's the morning is you have to get up soooooooooooo early, really it's not even like going to sleep at all. This morning I heard this guy say he get's up at 2:30 a.m. WHAT.... that's crazy oh and I have a very bad speech issue and I mumble all the time so nobody would understand me as per my husband.

Maybe one day I can have my dream job........

What do you want to be when you grow up???

My other half

2009-08-03T22:19:00.007-04:00

I don't mention him in my blogs like I should so I am dedicating this post all to him.

I met him at a bar in Ocean City, MD
He went into the Navy and was medically discharged and moved to NYC
We moved in together not knowing each other a year
He handles my craziness, mood swings and family issues with patience
He has a lot of patience
He is a better housewife then me
I went to 3 Justin Timberlake concerts in a year, 2 in NYC and he didn't care
He trusts me
He takes great pride in washing the cars
He makes the bed when we put new sheets on it
He can find anything when I say "Honey I can't find that pair of pants I wore 3 years ago"
He loves us girls
He makes better french toast then my mother
He is an only child
He doesn't care what other people think about him
He went to 2 N'SYNC concerts with me but I won't go to one of his "rock" concerts
He tells me to take a nap on the weekends because he knows I like sleep
He is such a hands on Dad
He doesn't read my blog like I wish he would so he probably won't read this post
He loves my cooking
He is so easy going
He loves the Mets, Lakers, Penn State & Washington Redskins and will stay up late to watch them play
He is not a good dance but it's cute when he tries
He is a great person
He makes friends easy
He is my BEST FRIEND and I thank God Every Day for him.

Reflecting on Life

2009-07-29T15:11:00.003-04:00

As July is coming to and end and August is approaching I am reflecting on stuff that I / we have done so far and events that I am looking forward doing. (No particular order just random thoughts)

Went on a mini family vacation
Evelyn experiencing her first upside down roller coaster
Enjoyed a kids free weekend in NYC with my best friend from high school
Not feeling one bit of guilt doing it
Seeing friends from elementary school days
Evelyn starting her school years in September
Watching her get on the bus for the first time
Looking in her school bag everyday
Concert with my best friend aka my hubby
Catherine and Mikey visting at the end of August
Evelyn's 5th birthday party
Jessi starting to say things
Watching the girls interact toegther
Swimming in the pool as a family
Loving my family more and more each day

Sweet dreams grown up style

2009-07-22T09:33:00.005-04:00

Anyone that knows me knows I LOVE Sleeping. I mean who doesn't.
Back in the day before parenthood I used to sleep until afternoon hours wake up eat something and then go back to sleep. On Sunday's when Mike used to watch football I used to be in and out of coma on the couch and I loved every minute of it. If we were going out on Friday night I would come home after work and sleep. I LOVE Sleeping.

Once our first born came along and we never experienced sleep deprivation. I guess Evelyn got my sleep gene because she was a sleeper and till this day almost 5 years later she still loves her sleep. When Evelyn would take her naps so would Mommy. I felt that my weekends were not complete without taking a nap. Every now and then I get a nap on the weekend and I savor every minute. My naps are not 45 minutes they are more like 3 hours and sometimes I feel like crap when I wake up but I don't care.

Jessi girl loves her sleep too so again sleep deprivation never came into play because she goes to bed at 7:30 p.m. and wakes up when it's time to get ready for the day. Occasionally I need to wake her up and she is not happy about it.

I have noticed lately that I have been going to bed later then I would like I guess it's because by the time the kids are in bed and things are picked up I need time to unwind and spend some quality time with the hubby. I also noticed that I wake up earlier even before the alarm goes off and on the weekend forget it I am up way before I should be. Is it because my body requires less sleep now or is my body on a schedule and the internal clock knows when I should get up? Or could it be that I am a grown up with responsibilities no matter what way I look at it?

Responsibilities = LESS SLEEP.

Say Cheese

2009-07-19T09:00:00.002-04:00

Drug Dealer

2009-07-18T23:08:00.009-04:00

Weekend mornings I pay a visit to my drug dealer usually still in my PJ's. I tend to get up very early in the morning on the weekends early then I like and it's not because of the kids because my two sleeping beauties like their sleep. I will get up at like 6:30 a.m. thinking should I get up and go get coffee or lay in bed but like Pookie said from New Jack City and I quote "It keeps calling me". For someone that never used to like coffee I am hooked.

I wish......

2009-07-15T11:39:00.003-04:00

I could work 3 days a week and stay home 2
Or just work in the winter and not in the summer
I would blog everyday and post pictures and make it really enjoyable to read
My blog was really "popular"
I took really good pictures
My house was filled with pictures on the walls of family
I wasn't a procrastinator sometimes
I had a green thumb
I didn't have two car payments
I wasn't afraid to fly
I went to church more often
I didn't live so far from my family and friends
I lived someplace warmer in the winter
I liked my job
I didn't like coffee or other things that I will not mention
I could have more babies if I knew they would be as good as Evelyn and Jessi
I had more friends where I live
I liked the mornings enough that I could get up an hour before everybody else
I could stay up later at night
I exercised more
I showed my husband the "love" he deserves
I could mention all my wishes on this list.

Hershey Kisses, Twizzlers, Roller coasters oh my

2009-07-10T14:28:00.001-04:00

Let me start out by saying I broke my camera within hours of our arrival so I have no pictures to post. This is the second camera I broke the same way dropping it right on the lens. First time doesn't count since I was drunk. Hopefully I can take it to a camera shop and they can fix it.

Our week long vacation ran smoothly and was very enjoyable spending time with friends and family that we don't see often enough. I was anxiety free so that is always a plus and I remained to stay very calm in sometimes hairy situations.

The first part of our trip was visiting Mike's grandmother who lives in this old house that was beautiful and off the beaten path with corn fields all around. I asked this 78 year old women if she was scared to stay there by herself and she said "No". I would have to drink myself stupid everynight to stay there by myself but then again I am a chicked shit. Nan had a family bbq and it was nice to see Mike's other side of the family that I have only probably seen a handful of times. It's funny though we live 5 minutes from Mike's parents and hardly see them but yet we drive 5 hours and see them every waking minute for 3 days. Sorry but this is my "staycation" and I want to do what I want to do because you know I am selfish not ride around in a car all cramped to go look at amish even though it was my idea. Ride is your own damm car. God it drives me crazy.

We went to go visit friends of Mike's and man it was nice. They have the perfect house with the perfect T.V's clean and tidy oh yeah did I mentioned they have no kids. When we got there I told him we are going to take over your house for two days and yeah we pretty much did. Luckily we had the entertainment room in the basement so our stuff was out of the way. It was great sleeping conditions cold and dark it was soo perfect. After waking up at the crack ass of dawn at Nan's house for 3 days since the sun was beaming in the windows and 6 am sleeping passed 8 was needed. I even took a 3 hr nap with Jessi while Mike took Evelyn to the sprinkle park. My girls love their sleep and the two days we slept at Mike and Summer's they slept until 8:30.

Mike & Summer made us feel at home as I would expect nothing less. Mike made us a home cooked meal on Tuesday night which was much needed and Wednesday we had a BBQ with old friends that was delicious.

Thursday we headed to Hershey Park and met up with my family and enjoyed a dinner out and swimming in the pool.

Friday and Saturday we headed to the park and enjoyed all that it has to offer from roller coasters to the water park and the million miles we walked in between it was well worth it. To see the excitement in Evelyn's face and Jessi pointing to the rides as we drove by is priceless.

My sweet Evelyn is taking after her father and having no fears of heights or roller coasters and I am so proud of her for that. I have to keep my fear under wraps because kids can sense your emotions and she is headed in the right direction with being fearless. She went on all the roller coasters that she was tall enough for and even did her first loop roller coaster. When her and Mike pulled out of the station they were sitting in the front row. After I cursed Mike under my breath he later told me that she said "Daddy let's sit in the front".

Saturday was July 4th and 10:15 we saw some fireworks and by the time we got back to the hotel we had to carry in two sleeping kids, man I wish someone would of carried me in.
By the time us adults got to bed it was well after 1 am. I was dealing with some issues with my brother and sister but that is for another time.

I wanted to leave by 9 am on Sunday because we had a 5 hr ride ahead of us plus we had to make a detour at my mother's and pick up Codie. That planned got tossed out the window because we didn't wake up until 9. After breakfast and packing we never left until 11:30 by the time we pulled in to our house that I missed it was 6 pm. One of the best feelings in life is sleeping in your bed after you have been away from it for a whole 8 days. I even said to Evelyn are you excited to sleep in your own bed and she said "Oh yeah baby"

Monday was back to reality and well that just plain SUCKS.

Anxiety sucks

2009-06-27T07:17:00.003-04:00

Fucken anxiety it gets me everytime. Let's see I left work early on Thursday because of an anxiety attack and Friday I left early again and made a dr appt for 3. I asked Mike to come with me because I feel that doctor's either think your crazy or just want pills. I love Mike he really is my rock and I think part of my anxiety issue was him coming home on Thursday and I just wanted him home and worrying about him flying since I hate flying and anything to do with the aviation system. Once he was in the house I felt a weight lifted off. It was nice.

The doctor gave me a EKG and my blood pressure was fine so why did I feel like I couldn't breathe and was having a heart attack. I needed oxygen STAT. He sent me for a chest X-ray so now I sit and worry if I have a tumor or something. Yes, I will be calling the doctor from my vacation to see what the results are.

It's funny because the last time I was in there for my anxiety was in February which was around the time we were having Jessi's baptism, can I not handle things???? Seems that way to me.

I really need to learn how to handle my anxiety or it will put me in an early grave.

Anyway we are off today for friends, family and fun. Let's see how this goes. Xanax anyone???

Have a safe and happy 4th of July.

So much to do and so little time

2009-06-25T10:56:00.004-04:00

It doesn't matter if you are a working parent or a stay at home parent I think we all will agree there is just not enough time in the day.

I am a working parent and from the time I get home at 4:45 until 9pm I am going ragged.
From dinner to baths there is absolutely no down time which I am ok with and enjoy for the most part. When you throw an out of town husband and packing for a week long vacation and two kids that are enjoying every breath of summer it gets a little hectic.

My lunch hour I am always running errands and with a limited amount of time for lunch and a million things to do you need to prioritize things. How should I prioritize my list?

1 - get pedicure
2 - get lip waxed
3- go to Target and
4- run home to shut the windows since I think we will be getting thunderstorms in afternoon
5- get lunch

Well lets see I can kill two birds with one stone and get pedicure and lip wax and the same time.
I can get lunch at Target since that is what I planned on doing anyway.
Who cares if it rains and gets the rug a little wet?

See it's not that much stuff but I always make a big deal out of things and that's when my anxiety is in full force and think I am going to have a heart attack. OH well maybe one day I will learn to roll with the punches.

Dancing Queen

2009-06-20T10:43:00.009-04:00

This was Evelyn's second year of dancing. I asked her to choose between one activity if she wanted to do dancing or karate and she said karate. After her dress rehearsal I asked her "are you sure you don't want to do dancing again and she said "No it's boring". So much for that. Maybe Jessi won't find it boring.

Can you say annoying & spoiled?

2009-06-17T15:02:00.006-04:00

I will admit that Mike and I watch crap on TV because well there is crap on TV.
One show we started to watch was Tori and Dean on oxygen. I always found Tori Spelling to be annoying and a horrible actress on Beverly Hills 90210 which I was a loyal fan of. Tori aka Donna Martin was always my least favorite so it took me my surprise that I liked her reality show because she was a "real person" sort of.

Watching the first 3 episodes of season 4 I have come to realize that she is as fake as the horrible breast implants that she wears. She is soooooooo annoying and I looked at Mike and said we are not watching this show anymore.

While her parents have millions she has nothing and worked for what she and her gold digger of a husband have now. Dean claims she is a work horse and he pretty much kisses the ground she walks on because let's face it this Canadian cheated on his wife with this bimbo probably thinking $$$$$$.

Tori wants it all a lucrative career acting, writing books, being a fashion/jewelry designer but also wants to be a stay at home mom. All she does is wine about it and honestly it's getting on my last nerve. Put down your blackberry and smell the smog of L.A. Welcome to the real world honey where moms work and take care of their kids without the help of a "baby nurse" and don't complain about it.

Now wonder why you have a strained relationship with your mother you are a spoiled BITCH.

You have lost two viewers of your fingernails on a chalkboard show. I'm done. You and your pussy of a husband are officialy off my DVR schedule.

Sanitizer Anyone????

2009-06-15T15:28:00.003-04:00

I was pumping gas the other day and I realized how gross it is touching the nozzle and I started thinking of all things that I don't like to touch because it's just gross and germ infested.

- gas nozzle
- shopping cart
- door knobs in public places
- anything in a public bathroom
- hand railings on stairs
- anything in the NYC subway

Luckily I keep a super size hand sanitizer in my car and I usually clean my hand 3 times before I feel that I can touch anything of importance. Maybe that's why my hands are super dry...........

Feel Good News

2009-06-11T11:00:00.003-04:00

I heard something yesterday that put a smile on my face and made me feel good.

When I was pregnant with Jessi a co-worker of mine said oh so and so wants to have a baby and she has been trying for so long, truly my heart went out to her.

When we were trying for Evelyn it took 4 months which is not long by baby making standards but when you want something so bad and it doesn't happen right away, especially for someone like me who has zero patience it became heart wrenching.

Well Guess who is pregnant?????

I noticed thickness in the mid section and I didn't say anything but then I saw her again and I said for sure she is soooo pregnant. I went to my sources because I honestly I have never talked to her and she confirmed for me that she is pregnant with boy/girl twins. I was so happy.

I had to talk to her because I am nosey like that and I need to know details. I hunted her down in the bathroom because where else would a 6 month pregnant women with twins be.

She told me that they were trying for 4 years and they did all the fertility drugs with no success and on their second try of invitro they had success. I told her how happy I was for her and I had a smile on my face for the remainder of the day.

I love hearing happy feel good stories with all the crazy shit going on in the world.

Size it up

2009-06-09T15:40:00.002-04:00

Before I got married in 2002 I lost a few pounds and at that time I was the skinniest that I ever was in my life even through high school. After wedded bliss and 9 months of pregnancy I was tipping the scales close to 200 lbs, maybe it was more 190.

It took my body 2 1/2 years to lose the baby fat and now I realized I was the skinniest i have ever been in my life. I was wearing a size 2. People said I was too skinny and I didn't look right. It was weird because even thought I was wearing a size 2, mainly because I had no ass I still didn't feel skinny until I saw pictures of myself and I was like URGH you do look sickly.

My gripe today is I have pants size 2,4,8,10,12 and 14. I mostly gave rid of the double digits hoping that I will not have to go there but if I do so be it. My problem is I need a size 6 and I don't have one pair of size 6's. The 4 are tooooooo small and the 8's fit but loosely and I like my pants to fit.

What to do? What to do?

Beautiful Blessings

2009-06-08T21:34:00.011-04:00

I could of not asked for a more beautiful day..........

Or a more beautiful person..........

Everything and everyone was perfect for Jessi's first birthday party.
In another post I mentioned that I believe she was sent to us by an angel well they were present for her party and again I want to thank them and all who attended.

Yeah we got it.....

2009-06-05T17:52:00.002-04:00

Stinky feet that is. I can't believe how bad a 1 and 4 yr old feet stink oh and their ROC City Mama does too.

Here we go again....

2009-06-03T20:06:00.002-04:00

Why is it every time there is a party or some other function planned I am pmsing and a raging BITCH??? Jessi's birthday party this weekend = *&@$%Q*%^(%)%&Q)%*Q_^%

I totally jumped down people's throat and feel like I can fucking poke their eyes out and snap their neck. Love the hormones.

I have to snap out of it for this reason.........

Tis the Season of

2009-05-23T21:20:00.003-04:00

- BBQ's with friends and family

- swimming in the pool

- visits to our favorite ice cream spot

- yard filled with toys

- freshly cut grass

- camping in our yard

- swimming in our pool

- nightime fires in our fire pit

- dirty feet

- dirty floors

- sunblock

- babies staying up past their bedtime enjoying every last bit of sunlight

- babies bathed every night

- air conditioners

- picnics at the park

- getting up early and loving it

- extra days off of work

- babies birthday's

- summer clothes

- painted toes

- staying right at our house and enjoying every waking minute.

One Year Old

2009-05-20T21:35:00.008-04:00

HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY JESSI GIRL

You were born at 7:18 p.m. on Wed May 21. Your first year of life has flown by and you have brought our family so much joy. We love you so much and could not imagine life without you.

You are the best baby and make everyday a joy

You are still the best sleeper and eater

You like your schedule

You started to walk on May 18th

You observe everything around you

You have the sweetest disposition

You are not a good traveler in the car for 6 hours

You are a super fast crawler

Your first word was Hello as you put the phone up to your ear and you look so damm cute when you say it

You like climbing the stairs

You love taking a bath with your sister

You love your sister

You love the swing

You try to crawl up the slide

You love Codie

You love to give open mouth kisses tongue and all

You are picking up some of mommy's hot dance moves

You try to copy your sister doing karate

When we tell you No, you give the saddest little pout with your lip curled out that we laugh because it's too cute

I truly feel that you were an angel sent to us for different reasons that is for a later time. I want to thank them for sending you to our family.

On a Happier Note

2009-05-15T10:45:00.002-04:00

We are off to NYC tomorrow for a visit with friends and family. We are celebrating my nephew's communion on Sunday which will be nice being together as a family. I miss that being 6 hours away. :(

A list of must do's when I am there:

Manicure / Pedicure
Eat Pizza from my favorite spot
Eat bagels from my favorite spot
Go out to dinner and eat pasta and yummy bread
Spend quality time with Catherine
Spend time with sister on Sunday

We wanted to take the girls into Manhattan on Monday via the subway but my Dad has informed be that some more schools have closed due to swine flu and he strongly suggests taking them on the subway. It's just not the same driving in to Manhattan vs the grimey subway system. Will see might have to come up with plan B.

Have a good weekend I know we will.

Thankful

2009-05-15T09:58:00.002-04:00

My decision to start a blog was because I was "inspiried" by reading other blogs especially my friend Jen's and from her blog you find other blogs that interest you and it's a never ending blogging world I tell you. It's funny because I don't know these people but because I am nosey I read them. Truthfully other people's blogs depending on what their blogging about can be so many things and here is where I am going with this.

I stumbled on two blogs that grab my attention, can you imagine having a child that has gone through 2 transplants? or another child that is almost 4 years old and has had a transplant but can not walk or talk? a mother of 3 fighting brain cancer? I know pretty sad. I am sure there are many blogs related to illness and other unfortunate scenarios that people blog about their journey to live but these are a few that have intrigued me.

Some days the entries pull at my heartstrings and I go home and hug my kids extra tight, some days I feel so happy for these little people that clearly have been through hell but their will and determination is amazing and how their parents must feel. Their good days give you hope the bad days well just plain suck.

I don't know these people but this is real life and not a TV show and I think that's what makes it interesting is to see how medicine works and the procedures their little bodies can handle and how a family comes together and handles such a situation.

A while now I have wanted to write about this and I have and it makes me feel that a weight has been lifted off. Please keep these people in your thoughts and prayers I am sure every little bit can help.

Happy Belated Mother's Day

2009-05-13T22:11:00.006-04:00

I am a little late but better then never paying tribute to Mother's Day. I am feeling out of the blogger loop since all the blogs I read have already done so.

We did a mini celebration on Saturday morning since the girls and I were going to my mother's for the night. I like to get my presents in bed because well I just like to be in bed.

I told Mike not to spend a lot of money and well he didn't listen so I am not sure if I should be pissed or not. My gift will probably become a family item since Evelyn has already said "mommy can I use it?"

I did received a very special gift that Evelyn picked out. Mike asked her what she wanted to get mommy and she said a heart necklace. I am not a jewelery person at all. The only piece of jewelery that I wear daily are my earrings and totally feel lost without them. I don't even wear my wedding rings but I am in total love with my heart and I have not taken it off since Sunday.

When they were driving home Mike told Evelyn that if Mommy asks you what we got her tell her a Mets hat so as I was getting dinner ready she was whispering to Mike and all I heard was mets hat, mets hat and Mike is saying be quiet as she is giggling. I was pretty certain that they got me a Met's Hat. I was wrong and glad that I was.

The next day Mike told me that she was playing up to it and he didn't tell her to say that in front of me she did that all on her own. It was cute.

I feel so blessed, honored and proud to be a mother to these girls. Thank you

Random Thoughts - PMS STYLE

2009-05-11T15:29:00.001-04:00

WHY ARE PEOPLE SO FUCKING STUPID, LAZY AND SELFISH?

I can give examples of each situation but by next week I won't feel like this so why open a can of worms.

At this moment right now all I want to do is yell at the top of my lungs ARGHHHHHHHHHHH?

It's great to be a women.

Mommy I want to ..........

2009-05-08T11:19:00.002-04:00

wear underwear to bed were the words that came out of sweet Evelyn's mouth last night.

At first I was like ok we can do this then i thought if I have to wake up to pissed sheets so be it and then I am thinking why honey what is the big deal just wear the pull ups.

Well that thought lasted 5 minutes because then she said I'm scared I will pee my pants I want to wear the pull ups. That's my girl.

I did give her encouragement and say there is nothing to be scared of. Mike says it will happen one day and I know it will.

Decisions, Decisions - Part 3

2009-05-01T15:24:00.005-04:00

Having two kids of the same sex is very beneficial. I never got rid of Evelyn's baby clothes pending the decision if we were going to have a 2nd baby. We did and now Jessi girl has all of her big sister's clothes. This baby probably has more clothes then the rest of us 3 combined. I did break down and buy her some knew stuff she doesn't have all hand me downs. I actually have to stop myself buying her things because well girl clothes are just so damm cute.

I have given some things away, actually quite a lot. I have donated to Goodwill, given to Mike's cousin that was an unappreciated bitch, and a co-worker that gave a sob story. I am always a sucker for a sob story.

The decision that I have to make is do I get rid of all the clothes that Jessi has grown out of??????

This is a big decision not so much for Mike I don't think as it is for me. I don't think its the fact that ok we probably will not have anymore kids but for sentimental value.

What to do, What to do?

I see you.......

2009-04-29T21:41:00.003-04:00

(Old Frames)

(New Frames)

I went to about 5 different places to find the "perfect" pair of glasses.
Seeing this picture I don't think i found them :(

Weekend Love =

2009-04-27T10:42:00.005-04:00

- going for a walk while Evelyn rides her bike with meltdowns along the way

- going for ice cream @ my favorite spot

- going to bed the same time my honey bunny does so we can snuggle

- waking up Saturday to a beautiful day

- Mike taking his EIT test meaning that he will be home on Tuesday nights

- Evelyn's karate teacher saying that she picks up things quickly and is very good but has to work on her focusing. LOL

- finding Evelyn a cute skirt, dress and pair of shoes all for under $13.00 and her loving them

- Mike coming home after a long day to a special dinner

- starting Evelyn on mother's day projects

- Jessi napping naked on a hot day because her diaper rash needs "air" time

- eating dinner outside on the patio

- Evelyn, Mike and Codie playing in the grass

- bathing the babies

- renting a movie on the "watch" list

- getting a hey how are you email from my friend Ken who is the only one who leaves comments on my blog. Shout out to Ken

- Jessi waking up at 12 am and hanging out with her while she entertained me.

- Jessi falling asleep in my arms at 3 am

- Jessi waking up at 9 am

- sleeping in till 11 am

- Mike and Evelyn washing my van inside and out

- Jessi and I people watching at the grocery store while I enjoyed a cup of coffee

- finding the most perfect mother's day card which I am just going to keep for my self

- Jessi changing car seats to the bigger forward facing one

- homemade chicken soup

- picking up around the house

- finally sitting down at 9:30 to watch a t.v show

- taking a HOT shower

- passing out with the honey bunny

- ENJOYING EVERY MINUTE.

Maybe, Maybe Not????

2009-04-23T11:12:00.005-04:00

I am a big time news junkie. I am obsessed with msnbc.com and check it daily along with 3 newspapers that I read on line. I like to be informed on what's going on around me. Don't get me wrong I browse people and other gossip sites because well I need to know who's screwing who or who has the newest baby bump.

What gets me is why does the media circut say things like "chewing gum may help teens crunch numbers" (this was on msnbc today) well does it or doesn't it. With all the studies in the world you would think things like this would be confirmed. I am using this for an example because that is what caught my eye today.

Everytime there is a commercial on t.v for medicine there is always the guy who talks really fast who gives all the warnings and says taking xxx may cause this or may cause that. Give me the program does it or does it not cause these things. (see post on 2/24) This bothers me that is why I am mentioning this again as I feel it is worth repeating.

I question myself all the time on things that I should maybe do or maybe not do. I want confirmed answers no better yet I NEED to make up by mind and say FUCK it this is what I am doing and sticking with it.

Our Sweet Evelyn is growing up

2009-04-21T21:21:00.003-04:00

Mike and I were watching t.v on Sunday night in our bedroom trying to catch up on our shows and about 11:00 we here our sweet Evelyn get out of bed and go to the bathroom. Mike and I quickly muted the t.v and were waiting for her to finish in the bathroom and come into our room but our little girl is growing up and probably realized that if she went back in her own room to go back to sleep it would be comfortable for everyone involved. Mike was so amazed by this he said "It's like taking her first steps". We went on for 5 minutes about the fact that she went back into her own room to go to sleep. At first we thought she was going to get her blanket and harbie yes it's harbie not barbie which is a rainbow bunny, but no she went back to sleep.

Another thing is the whole pull up situation. This girl has not had a wet pull up in forever to be honest I can not even remember the last time she woke up wet. I told her the next morning that she didn't need the pull ups because she is a big girl and that when you have to go to the bathroom you wake up and go. Her new thing is putting the pull up on and then underwear. I guess she feels like she is wearing underwear with the security of the pull up.

I did try it in the summer when I was home and well it did not go over so well. The week we did it she woke up soak and wet 3 times. It was actually kinda of funny because she would come in and say " the monsters did it"or that she didn't pee and she doesn't know what happened. I'm sorry but there is nothing like waking up at 5 am to a child that is soaked and stinks of piss and also having to give her a bath. Needless to say the pull ups went back on and have stayed on ever since.

I guess it comes down to mommy accepting that I might have to deal with piss at 5 in the morning. You know what I'll pass and she can wear pull ups the rest of her life if it means mommy can sleep till 7am.

Mangia, Mangia

2009-04-14T16:58:00.003-04:00

Not only have I been blessed with two wonderful little girls but also very good eaters.
My 4 1/2 year old requests me to make broccoli with pasta when daddy has school on Tuesday nights. My almost 11 month old loves anything you put in her mouth. Besides baby food she has had table food that consists of....
1. bananas
2. ham
3. ham and split pea soup
4. bread
5. eggs
6. cheese
7. cheerios and rice krispies
8. homemade chicken soup
9. fresh whip cream
10. My favorite Pesto Raviolis

Her Sunday Best

2009-04-13T20:30:00.002-04:00

Our little Evelyn has become quite the church goer. I personally think she likes the donuts and juice and running around with the other kids after more then sitting through an hour mass.

I started taking her and then well I had issues with my back and pregnant so sitting in the pews is not the most comfortable thing. My mother has been taking her on Sunday's when she comes and visit for the weekend and this past Sunday which was Easter she drove and 1hr and 15 minutes to take her to mass. God Bless my mom for doing that.

Evelyn even likes to pray before dinner and I am pretty sure she got that from the in-laws.
I am making this promise to my daughter and to myself that I will start taking her to church on Sunday's. I promise, I promise. Maybe if I keep telling myself this I will really want to go to church.

Decisions, Decisions Part 2

2009-04-13T20:01:00.015-04:00

After long consideration I decided to cut Evelyn's hair. It was something that I thought about for a while and after I cut my hair she said "mommy I want my hair short like yours" and what mother can turn her daughter away when she says something like that. Of course she looks adorable in her new bob and we can all agree that it is much easier to deal with. After a bath when her hair is all knotty and well in general its just simpler. I am always looking for ways to make my life simpler. Don't you??

(Before)

(After)

Coffey Talk

2009-04-07T10:04:00.003-04:00

Mike is a fan of the show Paranormal State on A&E, I personally don't watch the show because well it will probably give me the heebe jibbies. When Mike said Chip was going to be in Buffalo and he asked me if I wanted to go I said sure this should be interesting, plus he is going to give readings to the attendees either a physic or medium question will be allowed. Only 60 tickets were to be sold only about 35 people showed so it was really intimate and personal.

I must tell you that this experience was very emotional, spiritual and inspirational in so many ways for these people who have lost loved ones that are just looking for a tiny bit of connection with the dead. I pretty much cried the whole time hearing these stories and feeling happy for them knowing they can walk away with joy in their hearts knowing their loved ones are ok.

It was totally worth the money and I would definitely do it again and I might now become a fan of Paranormal State.

As Chip put it Paranormal activity is
1. something you can't prove
2. something you can't explain
3. definitely can not deny something is going on

For the Hell of It.

2009-03-30T20:26:00.003-04:00

I just wanted to post this picture because I think Jessi looks so cute with her Amish haircut that her daddy is responsible for.

I Love the feeling of ........

2009-03-30T20:21:00.004-04:00

Knowing that my children that I love with all my heart and soul are safe and sound sleeping. This feeling gives me a sense of peace knowing that for 11 hours I can shelter them from the world's evil. If your a parent you know this feeling.

Evelyn Son

2009-03-23T17:54:00.005-04:00

I am trying to be like Mr. Maigi (spelling?) from the karate kid since this is the new thing.

Evelyn has been talking about karate for a while now plus she always wants to fight Uncle Mikey when he comes to visit so at least now she can give him a legit punch.

We drive by one karate place on Saturday mornings when we go to dance and she would always say she wants to do karate so we took her to a place where she could have a free class and if she liked it you could sign up for 8 weeks for $99.00 including the karate outfit, not sure of the correct term because I know its not outfit. To our surprise she did really really good. We were very proud so of course we signed her up so now Thursday and Saturday we will be doing karate for the next 8 weeks. After the 8 weeks well that's a different story. If the excitement is still there then maybe will think about investing the money see but for now enjoy these pictures of our little karate kid.

Super everything

2009-03-19T15:25:00.006-04:00

I LOVE Jo Frost aka Supernanny. Whoever has kids I am sure heard of Supernanny.

I love watching other kids behave like wild animals when my two angels are sleeping on a Friday night at 9 p.m.

What is it about this british women that can get these kids to do a complete 360 on their behavior? It's because she has PATIENCE and is CONSISTENT in her ways.

I blame the parents 95% of the time on the way their kids behave. When parents do not set schedules and are not consistent and do not set boundaries with their kids yeah your kid is going to act up thinking they can get away with misbehaving.

Once in a while Evelyn and I will sit and watch and when the kids are acting crazy she says to me" mommy their bad". When Evelyn acts up I try some of the supernanny techniques out and they do work, I tell Mike I saw this on supernanny.

I also noticed that Jo Frost is not only a nanny but she becomes a friend to these moms that are so desperate for attention. She is a marriage counselor to these couples that are so stressed out from dealing with misbehaved kids that they don't take time out for themselves or at each others throat not knowing how to deal with the stress.

I would love for her to come and visit and not for a supernanny lesson but maybe for a spot of tea.

Decisions, Decisions

2009-03-13T14:19:00.003-04:00

This morning I wanted to stop at Dunkin Donuts for a coffee. As always I am a little behind schedule and really should not be stopping but hey it's Friday and I deserve one.

When I pull in the parking lot I scope out the place like a detective scoping out a hard core criminal deciding on whether to walk in leaving the kids in the car yeah I know mother of the year award or go through the drive thru. I usually do the drive thru depending on where line of cars is. I have a cut off point if they are at a certain place I will go inside or just say FUCK it and leave. Pissed off of course.

This morning I decided to go in and there were 2 people in front of me which isn't to bad except they have the slowest ladies at the counter. The drive thru I think is a lot faster when it comes to service especially in the morning. It's like crack addicts waiting for their dealer to give them their drugs.

It played out like this.

2 ladies doing the counter the one on the left helped the customer and the customer walked away. I quickly walked to the counter and the slow ass lady walked away now I am thinking ok where did she go, I got to get out of here. I looked out at my car a hundred times while I was in there because you know the kids were in there. As I patiently waited for her because everyone knows I have a ton of patience the lady on the right called next and I am like shit how can I jump to that lady while there is now a line 10 long. Plus I know the person behind me probably would not of been to happy I know I would of made and issue out of someone cutting me. After what felt like an hour I hear those words "what can I get you" Ahhhhh music to my ears.

What the hell to they put in that coffee that makes me feel like I need you sweet medium with cream and 1 splenda?????

I get back in the car with a chocolate munchkin for my munchkin and Evelyn saying "mommy you were gone for a long time" . The guilt I felt but hey I felt guilty with my coffee in the cup tray.

HAPPY FRIDAY.

The Dentist Just Sucks

2009-03-12T15:06:00.003-04:00

My sweet Evelyn has a cavity. OH NO!!!!!

She has a little anxiety problem about the dentist, it could be that I HATE the dentist and bitch about it every time I have to go. I rather spread my legs for my HOT GYN doctor then open my mouth under a bright light so all can see my imperfections on my face and gotta love the drill and the thing that collects your spit and sucks the fat inside your mouth. I HATE the FUCKING DENTIST (yes caps is need and the f word is really needed)

Evelyn had a not so good experience at the "big people" dentist a few months back. This was her 2nd time going for a cleaning and the hygienist decided that she needed X-rays so she stuck the X-ray film things in her small mouth and they hurt her. Of course they are going to hurt especially when you are using adult size on my child. DUMB BITCH. Evelyn now does not like the dentist and when I told her we were going it was automatic tears. I had to explain to her that we were going to the kids dentist and that they will not take any pictures. I had our babysitter talk to her about it. Her friends go to the same dentist so that kinda of made her at ease.

We get to the dentist and they call us back and she still was all smiles. In a millisecond she started crying and stomped off. I explained to her that they were just going to look and they were not going to take any pictures. Evelyn sat on my lap through the cleaning and the hygienist was very nice, I think you would have to be dealing with kids all day. All in all it went very well and I was really proud of her.

The dentist came to look at her and he was a bit of a "fruitcake" but he was nice. He said that she does have a cavity and for kids that have anxiety over the dentist they will give them laughing gas. I am not sure what the correct medical term is. He told me this and I started tearing up. He assured me that it is not a sedative and there are no side effects and once they shut it off it's none. It sounds harmless. Guess what? Her daddy will be taking her to the

April 3rd appointment.

Random Thoughts - I have many

2009-03-09T15:00:00.005-04:00

Mike and I were watching Making the Band on MTV the other night. I have to say this is one of our guilty pleasures along with How I met your mother, Two and half men, 24, The Unit, Amazing Race, Survivor, American Idol and Friday night lights. We both like shows that the other is not to fond of and that's ok but for the most part we are on the same page with TV shows.

Anyway if you do not watch Making the Band you can stop reading now since you will not have a clue what I am talking about.

The band Day 26 is saying that they have no money and they are broke. They were supposed to be in the studio recording their 2nd album but due to paperwork not being filled out or some other bullshit they have not been able to book shows because realistically they thought they would be in the studio. When they do shows they make money and to make money they do shows so basically they are screwed. They are not working and just hanging around this beautiful apartment that Diddy supplys for them.

What makes me laugh is these guys that complain they have no money are wearing these ridiculous looking hats. I have never in my life seen anything so stupid.

If they would of saved the money that they spent on these hats or their Louis Vitton bags maybe they wouldn't be bitching.

Plus Diddy does not have a good track record with these bands. They all fall apart. That should be their first clue to get OUT.